Special Needs Supermoms with Nazia Khan
Super tired.
This is a cozy little corner of the internet for special needs moms, and for the dads, grandparents, and caregivers who love our kids just as much. It's full of real stories about the hard days and the good ones, the things I've learned along the way, and lots of gentle reminders that you are not doing this alone.
Mid-conversation at the communication board.
Hi, friend
If you landed on this page, I have a feeling you might be one of us. Maybe you're reading this in the middle of the night, listening for every little sound from the next room. Maybe you're sitting in the car in a parking lot, taking a deep breath before another appointment. Or maybe it's those few quiet minutes after everyone finally fell asleep and the house is still. However you got here, please come in and stay a while.
I started Special Needs Supermoms during COVID because, honestly, I needed somewhere to put everything I was feeling. I was raising a child with complex needs and I felt so alone in it. Everything I read online was either heartbreaking or so inspiring that I couldn't see myself in it at all. I just wanted someone to say the real, everyday thing. So I started saying it myself.
I never expected so many of you to say "me too." But you did, and you kept saying it, and somewhere along the way that little outlet turned into a whole community of parents who understand each other without needing anything explained.
This website is a home for all of that. It's where I'll share what I've learned the slow and hard way, the things that make the load feel a little lighter, and hopefully a few things that make you smile. It's still growing, just like me, so please be patient with us both.
With love, Nazia
The story behind the name
People ask me about the name all the time, and I love explaining it, because it's actually a little ironic. I don't think I'm a supermom, and I don't think special needs moms are superheroes either.
I know people mean it so kindly when they say it. But when the world decides we're superhuman, it gets a lot easier to forget that we need help, and rest, and people who show up for us. So the "super" in Special Needs Supermoms means something a little different. Keep scrolling and I'll show you.
The kind of tired that sleep doesn't really fix, because even when we do sleep, part of us is still listening. If you're reading this with heavy eyes right now, I see you, and I hope you get a little bit of real rest soon.
We figure things out. We find the workaround, track down the one person who can actually help, and make things work with what we have. Nobody handed us a manual, so we kind of wrote our own.
A lot of us could teach a class on our child's diagnosis by now. We read everything, we ask the follow up questions, and we keep notes on the notes. It started out of love and it just never stopped.
Most of us learned to advocate sitting in meeting rooms, nervous, trying to remember everything we wanted to say. We learned anyway. And every time one of us speaks up, it gets a little easier for the next mom.
Medication times, appointment calendars, binders full of paperwork, the school folder, the insurance folder, the folder for the folders. For a lot of us it isn't a personality trait. It's just what keeps the days running.
If you've ever laughed in a hospital hallway, you know exactly what I mean. Sometimes laughing is what gets us through, and I think that's a really beautiful thing about us.
For me, faith is a big part of how I carry all of this. Some days it feels strong and steady, and some days it's barely a whisper. I've learned that both of those count.
I know that one comes from a good place too. But we weren't picked because we're stronger than everyone else. We're moms who love our kids with everything we have, and we do what needs to be done.
But we're still human.
We love our kids so much. We learn medical systems and school systems and insurance systems we never signed up to learn, and we keep showing up even on the days we're running on empty.
We need support. We need rest. We need people who understand. And we deserve lives that are about more than just getting through the day. That's what I hope this little corner of the internet can be for you.
A little check in
Tap whichever one feels true right now. There's no wrong answer, and you can change your mind as many times as you want.
Super tired.
Oh friend, I know. Drink some water, sit down for two minutes if you can, and let one thing on the list wait until tomorrow. It will still be there. You're allowed to be tired and still be a really good mom.
Nazia
About me
I'm a mom to two boys, and they are each so completely themselves. My younger son has complex medical and developmental needs, and a lot of what I share here comes from our life together. My older son has his own big heart and his own interests, and I try really hard to make sure he always knows he's just as seen in our family's story.
A lot of people know me as the special needs mom from Instagram, and I'm so grateful for that. But I've learned that it matters to me, and I think it matters for all of us, to remember that we're whole people too. We have jobs and dreams and things that make us laugh, and we're allowed to want things for ourselves.
I'm not an expert, and I'm definitely not on the other side of this. I'm still right in the middle of it with you. I just love talking about it, and I hope that talking about it helps.
The rest of me
I'm a mom and an advocate, and I'm also a girl who loves a mountain view, a walk downtown at night, and a good workout. These are a few of the moments that fill my cup back up. Swipe through.
What I share
Here's a little peek at what you'll find from me, on Instagram now and here on the site as it grows. I try to keep it honest and kind, and useful whenever I can.
Caregiving is love, and it's also exhausting, and both of those are true at the very same time. I talk about the tiring parts and the tender parts, and I try never to dress either one up. I just want you to see your own life in it and feel a little less alone.
It took me years of school meetings to learn some of this. The biggest thing I learned is that writing everything down and keeping good records helps so much more than I ever expected. I want to share what worked for me so you can maybe skip some of the slow way.
Medications, appointments, records, refills. The less we have to hold in our heads, the more room we have to simply be their mom. I love finding tools and routines that make the mental load even a tiny bit lighter, and I'll always share the ones that actually help.
FaithDu'a, patience, gratitude, and the days when all three feel really far away. Faith is part of my everyday life, so it's part of what I share, in a real and honest way.
Some moments in this life are honestly so ridiculous that all you can do is laugh, and I think we're allowed to. I also want to talk about us as women and moms, not only as caregivers. Our dreams, our friendships, our little treats, our workouts, the things that make us feel like ourselves again. For me, a lot of that is lifting weights and getting outside. You deserve that too.
From the page
These are two of the posts that traveled the furthest, and honestly I still think about them. They say pretty much the same thing in two different ways. The way so many of you shared them told me I wasn't the only one feeling it, and that meant the world to me.
Calling special needs moms ‘superheroes’ is just an easy way for society to romanticize our exhaustion instead of providing the support we actually need.
@specialneedssupermoms
Many people don’t realize that special needs parents are constantly living on edge, in a perpetual state of survival mode. We don’t get the luxury of stepping back while our children play. We’re always on alert, and true rest is rare, only when they sleep or when someone else steps in to help.
@specialneedssupermoms
Rest is not a reward for finishing. There is no finishing.So please, rest anyway.
Get in touch
Whether you're reaching out about a partnership or a speaking event, or you just need to tell someone what kind of day you've had, my inbox is open. I read everything, and I'll write back as soon as this busy life allows.
You can also send me a message on Instagram.
